Release Your Inhibitions

      I suppose you all noticed my absence of post-writing that happened a few weeks back. That was partially to everything going crazy in my life and my being busy, but there was more to it than that. I didn't have anything to post.

I haven't really said much to anyone about it, but I haven't been able to write for about a month and a half. I've been at war against my book for much longer. Now, if you've ever seen a writer fish taken out of his or her own pond, you'll get that it wasn't very pretty. I thought the world was ending or something. Such overdramatic, little fishies.

Recently, I finally figured out what was wrong with my book and have gotten back to writing. But I learned something:

I'd lost the love for writing.

Yes, and no, actually. I still loved stories and my characters and the feeling of my fingers banging out words that'll appear on my computer screen. But I didn't love what I was writing. Every word was awful and not good enough.

But that's the thing. Nothing's good enough. I'm writing a book that's going to be flawed and messed up, and that's okay. There are more drafts to be made. There are more chances to fix it later. Right now all I need to do is write. I don't need anything clouding up my mind. I need to release my inhibitions, say farewell to the nagging little editor voice in my head, and just write. That's all that matters. To quote Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield, "We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way."

Writing is the opposite of most jobs and hobbies. In most areas of life, we don't get second tries. We have to get it right the first time. Like, the medical field, for example. Let's say you're going to get a test done and they have to inject you with some drug you've never heard of before. Let's see. We both know it probably isn't good if the doctor misses the vein and has to inject you again. Woah, woah, woah, wait. What just happened to the rest of the drug that was injected in me? It's still there?!

Maybe not the greatest example, but in most areas of life, you only get one try.

Writing is not one of those areas.

It's all about mistakes and flaws and potholes. But we go back and fix those later. You don't get anywhere if you try to make every little spot perfect before moving on. You can't fix what you don't know. You have to finish writing it. You have to know what you're writing.

I don't know what I'm writing. I feel like I've had to mostly start over. Which is not beautiful news to my ears after I've been working over a year and a half on this. But I'm going to find out what I'm writing this time. I'm going to actually listen to what others have been telling me for the longest time, and turn on that inner editor. I"ll pull him out down the road when I need him again. For now, I just need my keyboard and my digital paper. Right now I just need to bleed the words onto my screen.

-K.G.