Does your character have issues? Has he/she seemed unusual lately and you can't put your finger on why? Do you just need answers?
Look no further, my poor authors! Just Simply Unique offers therapy sessions to your troubled babies and is here to save the day! Whether it's you (the author) needing therapy, or your beloved, problematic character(s), there are answers to be found and Just Simply Unique may be the place to start!
Interested in a free therapy session? Email your problems to firstname.lastname@example.org
Please keep PG-13 as some sessions may be summed up in blog posts and we receive young readers.
Just Simply Unique Therapy is by no means real therapy and will not be held responsible if your desires aren't completely met. We are a free service. We have the right to take as long as we could possibly want on responding with you, as we have a lot to do and may have multiple clients. Life happens and gets in the way. Sorry. Fictional facts may be used, but we will try to use factual knowledge when possible and when we aren't being too lazy to look it up. This is not guaranteed to work with all clients, but we will do the best we can. Free is relative. True pricing is anywhere between $100,000,000 and $453,830,770. April Fools. Upon signing up for this service, you hereby sign an imaginary waiver claiming that this was entirely your fault if something goes screwy. We will not ever steal your characters, ideas, or anything that is your intellectual property. However, we might steal your socks. We reserve the ability to post bits of our therapy sessions on the JSU blog unless decided otherwise in our sessions. We have the ability to use names given for both characters, places, fictional names, and yourself, but will try our best to clear that with you first. If you don't answer the question, I'm afraid there's nothing you can do but track me down and poke me in the chest with a pitchfork. Clients are not limited to one session alone but can burden their truly annoying problems on me over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again if they so choose. Terms and conditions may apply if they get too annoying. Sessions not limited to: Talking animals, walking trees, conscious rocks, characters that don't really exist, your annoying neighbor down the street who isn't really a character but you pretend (s)he is so you can learn their deep dark secrets and bury them alive in emotional pain and trauma, and anything else that you may possibly imagine in the scheme of fictional and not-quite-so factual therapy. I may subject clients to taking an MBTI test. So be prepared for that my evil minions--erm, clients. Note: I am using all this information to take over the world and this program may shut down at any given time once I have the information needed for my domination of the mere mortals. Here is the part where I yell muahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha in all caps, but I refuse to do so for the time being. So there. Any questions?