Big Head

      I was told that I'm good at backstory and need to write more on the topic. I sat down (or stood, since I'm working and writing currently) to force myself to do so. I've been putting books away for the past few minutes wondering what on earth I could write about backstory. Instead of doing so, I started laughing at myself.

      I'm good at backstory? Ha!

      I am not good at backstory. I'm not good at any part of the story. I don't even know the names of Mr. Annoying's little brothers. I just know they're cute, adorable little blondes that I would have too easy a time stuffing with sugar.

      My characters tell me things and I just laugh and say it's not happening. I don't always understand them. Ohhhh, so you love the little viper? Yeah, I'm not falling for that. Several days later, they'll come back and smack you in the face and show you that they weren't joking.

      I'm no expert.

      But I'm happy with that.  Maybe I don't stink. I don't want to know. If I think I stink, I have something to strive for. I don't have to know I'm amazing to stay writing. I know I'm not. 

     Why do I keep writing, then? For the same reason I did when I started. For the same reason I did when my stories were regurgitations of movies I'd seen, just a thousand times worse. I loved writing. I loved stories and I wanted to tell them.

      I don't care if I'm not good. I don't want to quit, but I really  don't want a big head. 

      People tell me I'm too critical of myself. According to me, everything I do stinks. Unlike what people think, I don't care. I'm an optimist. I'm going to always have a good, viable reason to continue. I prefer being critical of myself. Hearing I'm good? It goes to my head. I prefer telling myself I'm not. My work is better that way.

      Possibly not the best advice if you're a pessimist, but don't let yourself get a big head. Smile at uplifting comments, but don't necessarily believe it. Been there, done that. Been there, got a big head, and started ignoring all the flaws in my work.

      I'm not good at backstory. But I don't care.

-K.G.